I don't know whether this problem will have resolved itself by the time anyone else reads this, but when I scrolled down to the "visited countries map" that I posted last week, the United Kingdom seemed to have morphed into Poland. I've visited the former, but not the latter. Hell, I must be the only Slavic American who not only has never tasted paczki, but never even saw or heard of the things until crowding 40 and living 800+ miles from her birthplace. And I grew up with lots of Polish neighbors, including two aunts and a close family friend who loved to cook Polish food. I don't know anyone who ever made, bought, served, or ate paczki back home.

I probably should have been British anyway. The U.K. is the nation that gave us the butterfly house, Rosalind Franklin, Andy Summers, Douglas Adams, Joe Orton, and Richard Dawkins. I don't mind Marmite (although I much prefer Vegemite, which is another story). I enjoy drinking mildly fizzy dark beers and ales served just below room temperature. The best dessert I've ever tasted in my life was a steamed ginger pudding with lemon-curd sauce. I refuse to drink tea that hasn't been made with briskly boiling water. I don't think there's an American comedian who can hold a candle to the likes of Rowan Atkinson, Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Jennifer Saunders, or Chris Barrie. And I want to be Stephanie Cole when I grow up.

'Course, they probably wouldn't totally welcome me there because I harbor one dark secret: I think Camilla Parker-Bowles is living proof that Prince Charles actually has both brains and good taste in life partners.

Oh, and one more thing about the map: Where the hell did New Zealand go?